Ever have one of those moments when you feel like the Holy Spirit is speaking in your ear? It is like you can audibly hear His voice, as if He was walking next to you; but the whole conversation is happening in your head?
It happens rarely for me. Most recently it was a little after 5am on a Tuesday. I was jogging on a trail that wineds through a wooded area. The drizzling rain was crackling in the tree canopy over my head.
I was really angry. Everyone seemed to be on board with me and Wendy applying at Valley…except me. I was angry. I was angry that I didn’t have a full-time job. I was angry that I didn’t have a place to live. I was angry that I couldn’t support my family. And most of all, I was angry that the only door open before me was a church. I was done working at churches.
As I ran I complained, “This sucks God. And where are you? I mean Valley? Common! You better step up.”
Then the voice in my soul asked, “Why were you so willing to apply at the big monster church but not the small one?” This is a question I had been struggling with for over a week.
I ran in silence for a few minutes while I pondered that. “Well, they are more professional, more disciplined…I mean they’re going somewhere and it could be a real launching pad for my ideas.” The minute I thought it, I regretted it.
“They’re not your ideas and it is not about you.”
“But Valley? Common! There is nothing happening there. They’re done,” I said in anger.
“You don’t get to say when my bride is dead. You don’t get to say when my people are done.”
I stopped running and slowed to a walk. I was overwhelmed at how out of control my pride had gotten.
The voice wasn’t finished, “Someone is going to Valley. I’m going to do something there. This is your priviledge. You don’t want it? Fine.”
That night I began the application process.