First, momentum. I’ve read that it hard to build, easy to lose, and even harder to get back. I can see it building in several different areas of my life right now. Take Valley for instance. Yesterday I heard five different people reference “the energy” or “the new excitement.” What they are referring to is the Holy Spirit generated momentum currently running through the hearts of the people. It is like electricity. I love it, but I’m terrified I’m going to kill it. I feel like Tommy Boy making a sale.
“I’m like Jojo the idiot circus boy with a pretty new pet. Now the pet is my possible sale. Hello there pretty little pet, I love you. And then I stoke it, and I pet it, and I massage it. Hehe I love it, I love my little naughty pet. You’re naughty! And then I take my naughty pet and I go… Uuuuuuh! I killed it! I killed my sale! And that’s when I blow it.”
Saturday was Sissy Fritz’s (a.k.a. Julianna) fifth birthday party. Wendy did a rocking awesome job setting it up. She wanted to give guests an insider’s view to Sissy’s brain so she set up little stations around the room of things that the Fritz loves to do. My favorite station was the karaoke dance party. We had an i-pod going of the Fritz’s favorite songs. It was exceptionally entertaining to watch Logan (our three-year old) go to the microphone and sing loud and proud, “I’m bad! I’m bad! I really really bad!”
Looking back on the last two weeks I realize that I have been suffering from depression brought on by the “I have a broke leg pity party” I’ve been throwing on a daily basis. I knew having a broken leg was going to slow me down. What I wasn’t ready for was the profound sense that not only is my leg broken, but I am broken and worthless as well. I catch myself saying that all the time. I feel useless. It has been really hard for me to finish projects. I’ve had zero drive; which is not like me at all. It is the anti-me. The diet coke of me…just one callorie…not quite me enough.
For those of you wondering why I haven’t finished the leadership series I started…see the paragraph above. This week I will finish it off. Believe it or not, I’m really excited about how it is going to end…but every time I sit down to type this voice in my head says, “This is to hard. And your leg is broken and stuff. Let’s do it later.”
Last week I had two different people talk to me about serious tragedy in their lives and how it formed their spirituality. Both of them used the phrase, “I don’t understand how horrible stuff happens while a loving God exists…so I left the church.” I’ve have read and had several deep thinkers tell me that the question the church will need to answer in the future is one of atonement – How do we understanding/describe salvation? I don’t think so. I believe the question facing us is “How can a loving God allow suffering and pain exist?” The whole “we don’t understand His ways…everything works together for the good….Goooooo God’s glory!” answers have failed. They have been weighed. They have been measured. And they have been found wanting.
Finally, on a more positive note, two very cool meetings in the next two days. The Thingy meets tonight. Hanging with them is like drinking water on a Texas summer day. Also, I’ve been given the privilege of serving on the principle search committee for Jackson’s school. Tomorrow night we have a three-hour meeting…and I’m looking forward to it because they are such cool peeps. That’s right…I’m looking forward to a three hour meeting.
I will finish series the rest of this week. Until then, party on Wayne.